Following the directions she’d been given, Jordan watched the street signs as she moved through the unfamiliar but beautiful beach community of Dana Point, California. Suddenly, a far from behind swerved, accelerated dramatically, and the driver, as he passed, unleashed a stream of rage-filled profanity, suggesting in his own crude way that Jordan was driving too slowly to his liking.

For our daughter, beginning her sophomore year at Vanguard University, this episode was upsetting and unnerving. “Why did he get so mad at me?” she asked. “I don’t see why he had to say those awful things?”

Since I was her dad, I tried to console Jordan with words both helpful and profound. “Honey, you didn’t do anything wrong. You just encountered a really angry man and, sadly, there are a lot of other people out there just like him. That’s just the way they go through life. And you will save yourself a whole bunch of unnecessary grief if you can learn to deal with them without being upset by them. So next time you run across someone spewing uncontrolled rage and anger, just say a little prayer of thanks that you don’t have to live like that.”

For the time, this quick answer was enough to ease Jordan’s hurt. But I knew I could not always shield her from the undercurrent of anger that pervades our society in general. People can so quickly turn a simple discussion into an argument or a difference in view point into an angry diatribe . It happens between family members, between customers and service personnel, between members of opposing political parties. Anger, flowing so freely, causes all kinds of hurt, and frequently, great destruction.

WARNINGS OF DANGER

That the Bible warns about the dangers of anger is not surprising. It compares an angry man to a fool: “A fool shows his annoyance at once, but a prudent man over looks an insult.” More sternly, in the wisdom book of Job, a counsel or instructs that “anger kills a fool.”

How does this happen? Frederick Buechner in Wishful Thinking: A Theological AB C explains: “ Of the seven deadly sins , anger is possibly the most fun . To lick your wounds, to smack your lips over grievances long past, to roll over your tongue the prospect of bitter confrontations still to come, to savor the last tooth so me morsel both the pain you are given and the pain you are giving back—in many ways it is a feast fit for a king. The chief draw back is that what you are wolfing down is yourself. The skeleton a t the feast is you.” In other words, anger is incredibly destructive to the one in whom it resides.

Anger and wisdom hardly know each other, but anger and foolishness are lifelong friends. The Bible presents an ugly picture of an angry person. It states that “a quick-tempered man does foolish things”—things he later wishes he hadn’t done. And the Bible reveals that many foolish behaviors originate in the heart and vent through the mouth as rage, malice, slander, and filthy language.

Most sobering of all, the Bible warns that “Man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.” God’s intent is that all of life’s circumstances point us toward Him, but a life of anger points us in the opposite direction. Benjamin Franklin, a wise , early-American philosopher, expressed it like this, “Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.”

THE UGLY PICTURE

A question often arises when considering anger: “Didn’t Jesus get angry?” The answer is “Yes,” but Jesus’ anger was never self-serving. It always furthered the will of God. Perhaps on rare occasions we can be fully confident ours is a righteous anger, but for the most part, we are not capable of handling the destructive force of anger.

Sadly, anger at its worst is often directed toward members of our own house. Anger of a parent toward a child or anger of a teenager toward a parent can transform what should be a place of love and security into a place of hurt and fear. Marriage partners can break hearts and homes by unleashing the cruel fury o f their anger on each other.

Once at a dinner party, everyone present could observe that the host couple had been fighting just prior to the party. The tension between them was unmistakable. Midway through the dinner the wife, who constantly battled her weight, stood up from the table and said, “Whew! If I don’t stop eating right now, I’ll gain ten pounds.” Curtly, her husband responded, “Like anyone would notice another ten pounds on you!” The look in the wife’s eyes revealed that her husband’s words cut deeply. Part of her died that night, and a marriage of 25 years also died .

JUST MANAGE IT!

The Bible gives guidelines for managing anger that are direct and easy to follow.

1. Don’t fight the battle alone. God can help. Peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control— all of which are the very opposite of anger —are attributes God can grow in us.
2. Give up the right to get even. Surrender this right, and recognize that every moment you spend thinking about revenge and retaliation only serves to diminish you. Act wisely as the Bible says, “A wise man overlooks an insult . ”
3. Remember that time is your friend. The Bible’s admonition, “ Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to be come angry,” suggests that it is wise to develop so me creative strategies that increase the time between a perceived offense and a response.

Some creative strategies for slowing down anger would include:

1. Having a clear understanding of what was actually said, done, and intended. Part of the foolishness of anger is that it clouds judgment and is often built on nothing more than a simple misunderstanding of the facts.
2. Remembering the other person’s worth. God loves the other person, and maybe you do too.
3. Offering the other person the opportunity to plead temporary insanity. Psychologist Alan Loy McGinnis explains that “Human nature being what it is, even the best of people will occasionally show the worst side of themselves.” On these occasions the best response may be to offer them a plea of insanity. The biblical term for this is grace.
4. Setting your sights higher than merely controlling anger. Aim at being a peacemaker. The Bible declares that those who seek peace are blessed. Unleashing anger may feel good for the moment, but it doesn’t measure up to the joy of being blessed by God.

Rev. Tom Marcum is the pastor of Petaluma Valley Baptist Church in Petaluma, CA .