As a little girl, Li Guang couldn’t understand the purpose of living if her own parents didn’t love her. She often thought about how to end her life. Then one day a desire suddenly grew in her heart. She decided that when she grew up, she would become a movie director and turn all the painful experiences of her childhood into a film. She could release all her humiliation, despair, and confusion through this movie, and then she would say goodbye to this world.

This desire sustained Li as she grew up, eventually leading her to become an award-winning international movie director. After graduating from the Film and Television Directing Program at the Art Department of Beijing Normal University, Li worked as an assistant in several films directed by the renowned Chinese director Zhang Yimou and participated in the production of movies like Not One Less, Happy Times, and Hero. In 2002, she served as the assistant director for the film My Heart Flies, which won the Best Film Award at the Lyon Film Festival in France in 2003. Also in 2002, Li directed the DV film 99 Again, which won the Excellent Award in the Short Film Unit at the College Student Film Festival and was featured in the 9th Hong Kong Short Film Festival and the Oberhausen International Short Film Festival in Germany.

Li Guang was at the height of her career with no thought but that she would continue directing films and winning awards. Little did she expect that after coming to know the Lord, her life would take a different path.

Caterpillar in Bitter Childhood

When Li was a little girl, she was pretty and adorable, but due to her parents’ unhappy marriage, constant quarrels and fights were the norm at home. Not only did she not receive love from her parents, but she was also seen as a burden. She was often sent to live with unfamiliar relatives, where she endured insults and bullying. After her parents divorced, Li thought her situation would improve if she went to live with her father. However, her father’s job was unstable, and he often was away for long periods, making it inconvenient to take her along. As a result, Li continued living with her mother and younger brother. Her father’s precarious job often led to delayed child support payments, leaving her mother to bear the burden of raising two children alone. Filled with resentment, her mother frequently vented her anger and bitterness towards her young daughter. There were countless nights when her frail body was dragged out of bed accompanied by her mother’s hysterical screams: “You’ve been given to your father, so why are you still here to drag me down? If I can’t live well, neither will you!”

In addition to senseless beatings and verbal abuse, Li also endured her mother’s unjustified humiliation. She would burn Li’s favorite clothes to ashes and stain her red shoes with ink. When she walked into the classroom wearing unattractive clothes and shoes, she was filled with embarrassment and inferiority. Increasingly withdrawn, Li longed for her father to return and take her away from her misery. However, her father had started a new family and didn’t want his daughter to become a burden on his path to happiness. At the age of 10, Li’s mother forced her to drop out of school to take on all the household chores. Once when Li accidentally broke a dish, her mother flew into a rage and smashed all the dishes in the house, while violently pushing Li to the ground. Trembling in fear, Li’s heart felt frozen.

It was at this point that Li began to desire to become a movie director, to make a movie of her miserable life, and then say goodbye to the world.

Butterfly Rebirth Through Faith

Shortly after entering the university, Li wrote a screenplay based on her personal experiences, hoping to turn it into a film. However, making a movie is not something that can be accomplished in a short time. While preparing and waiting, Li met the mother of a close friend from the university, who talked with her about Jesus and showed her a reason to keep living instead of giving up life. She realized that even though her parents didn’t love her, there was a God in heaven who loved her unconditionally. The God who knew the number of hairs on her head was always by her side. Light had entered her life, dispelling the darkness that once enveloped her.

After graduating from the university, Li was honored to join the crew of the famous Chinese director Zhang Yimou. Starting as a script supervisor, then moving on to the role of office director, and eventually becoming an assistant director, she was incredibly fortunate to work alongside a top-tier director despite having no prior work experience or connections. But Li knew that this was all due to God’s grace and favor. “…‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the Lord Almighty” (Zechariah 4:6). She was thrilled that her passion for film had turned into a career that she was willing to dedicate herself to. She spent her days learning and working, and over the course of a few years, she shot commercials, feature films, and documentaries, eventually becoming an independent director and completing her own works, earning awards both domestically and internationally.

However, worldly success did not bring Li the true satisfaction she longed for. As work consumed her, she drifted away from God. Reading the Bible, praying, and attending church on Sundays became luxuries. She failed to see that just as her body needed food to stay healthy, her spirit needed spiritual nourishment to guide her in the right direction. By 2009, Li’s passion for filmmaking had faded, and she began to question the work she was doing. Did her films contribute to spiritual and mental pollution? Having these doubts, Li returned to the church, began listening to sermons, praying, and actively participating in church activities, all of which strengthened her spiritual life.

In March 2010, Li remembered the promise of the Lord to “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you” (Matthew 7:7). So she prayed: “Lord, I long to know You. You are the God who created the heavens and the earth. Please help me to know You more, to draw closer to You, and to experience You. Right now, everything seems meaningless to me, but I still love making films. Could it be that I can know You through the profession I have learned?”

Shortly afterward, Li’s prayer was answered. She received an opportunity to work on a documentary in Israel. To prepare for this task, she researched many historical materials about Israel and compared them with the Bible, which greatly moved her heart. She became even more aware that the God she believed in was not only the Almighty who was, who is, and who is to come, but also the God who transcends time and space, who oversees the past, present, and future!

On October 1, 2010, Li was baptized in the Jordan River in Israel, the same river where Jesus Christ was baptized, and she was baptized in the name of the Lord. Under the guidance of the Holy Spirit, Li’s passion for filmmaking was reignited, and her perspective on filmmaking was renewed. In 2017, she completed a five-year documentary project titled Home of Mephibosheth, which aimed to document how Wang Xinwei and her husband Steve built the Home of Mephibosheth with selfless and sacrificial love to rescue dozens of disabled children in China, thus glorifying and manifesting God’s love and power. After the documentary’s release, the film received significant acclaim and won numerous awards at international film festivals. Li stated throughout the filming process that her deepest realization was that her Heavenly Father was the True Director and Screenwriter of this film. She felt incredibly honored and grateful to have been able to work alongside God and to experience His goodness and faithfulness!

The making of the film transformed Li’s life. Moved and guided by the Holy Spirit, she enrolled in Agape International Leadership School. During the subsequent seven months of study, her dark life—and once broken and despairing heart—were healed. With the help of the Holy Spirit and Christian pastors/counselors, she was set free. Not only that, but Li met her life partner while at school. Together they built a beautiful family, raising four lovely children. The old Li could never have imagined this. From feeling despair and unworthy of love, to stepping into marriage and becoming a cherished wife was a blessing beyond her wildest dreams. And she knows it is all because she is a beloved daughter of God!

Because of God’s grace and love, Li’s mother came to know the Lord, becoming a daughter of God too. This once bitter and cold mother rediscovered her ability to love and embrace, restoring the purity and intimacy that should exist between mother and daughter. Through the Lord’s healing, Li has fully forgiven her mother. Today, they chat and hug and experience the goodness that Li had always longed for. She knows that all these life changes are because of a loving and gracious God, whose unwavering love continually draws His children, giving them a living hope no matter what circumstances they face!

Cindy Yang is a stay-at-home mom and freelance Christian writer. She is also a member of the news broadcasting ministry at Bread of Life Church in Seattle, Washington. Before coming to the U.S. in 2010, Cindy was a middle school teacher in China for 9 years. She enjoys reading, writing, cooking, and playing the piano.