The Meandering Path of Life

In the summer of 1965, I was accepted into the best secondary school in Tianjin, China, proud and ready to take on life. Little did I know that the Cultural Revolution would ruin my dreams and those of my family. My parents, being intellectuals, were on the run, forced to be in denunciation rallies, and humiliated and tortured in all manner of ways.

But our family was not the only one affected by this misfortune. The Christian church beside our house was smashed and destroyed, and the servants of God were insulted, forced into denunciation rallies, and whipped. Witnessing these scenes shook me to my core. Yet the Christians remained composed and determined—not one of them pleaded guilty to the charges brought against them. At the time, I did not know that it was God’s presence and the power of the Holy Spirit that enabled them to endure.

Like other youths from the city, I was sent to the countryside for re-education. Afterward, I was reassigned to work in a chemical plant where I was exposed to poisonous substances. During this time, our lives were barren, our spirits deprived, our thoughts imprisoned, and our culture desolate. I harbored anger and was confused by all I was experiencing and the chaos in society. At night, I would often look up at the sky and wonder where my future lay.

In the autumn of 1976, the Cultural Revolution—the decade-long catastrophe in China—finally ended. China implemented reforms and adopted the Open Door Policy. The college entrance examination, Gaokao, resumed in 1977. I was fortunate to get into the School of Chemistry at Tianjin Normal University. After graduation, I worked at the university, teaching and doing research in the district cultural bureau, district TV station, and district environmental protection bureau. As my qualifications grew, I was promoted to higher positions and became conceited. Fellow teachers often slandered and boycotted me, which brought repeated career setbacks.

That Was Then, This Is Now

In a flash, I am now old and my youthful days are behind me. Years of living under stress with an unregulated lifestyle—including indulging myself with rich food at many university dinners—I began suffering from diabetes, gastric ulcers, and other illnesses. My deteriorating health forced me to retire from my teaching post one year earlier than planned. Then, beginning in 2015, I started experiencing symptoms of increased frequency and urgency of urination. The doctor’s diagnosis was benign prostatic hyperplasia. Thinking it was just a condition that came with old age, I didn’t pay much attention to it.

In 2016, while visiting the beautiful seaside town of Beihai, Guangxi, I met a sister in Christ who gave me a Bible. I flipped through it, but as I had no faith, I could not accept God’s teaching or understand His ways. “You study the Scriptures diligently because you think that in them you have eternal life. These are the very Scriptures that testify about me [Lord Jesus Christ], yet you refuse to come to me to have life” (John 5:39–40). I had yet to come to know the Lord of the Bible.

More bad news came in 2018 when I was diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer with multiple bone metastases. The cancer was inoperable. Holding on to a glimmer of hope, my wife and I hurried to the cutting-edge clinic at Peking University First Hospital where I was given an even more dire diagnosis: poorly differentiated, high-burden, neuroendocrine carcinoma. There was no effective treatment for it—not in China nor abroad. I was told that three years would be a critical juncture, and five years would be it. In the elevator, my wife and I embraced each other and cried. No words could express our sorrow, despair, and heartache.

Crying Out to God

In 2019, our beloved daughter arranged for my wife and me to come to the States to enjoy time with our family here. Yet my spirits did not lift nor could I ever sleep. Then the pandemic hit and our return flights to China were canceled. My worsening condition was weighing on us. My daughter and son-in-law were sick with worry and spent almost $10,000 in a month for consultations at private clinics and my medicine. The financial pressure that came with my illness made me extremely anxious and fretful. At that time, the brother of my schoolmate, a Christian who lived in the States, told me that God loved me, that His Son, Jesus Christ, not only died on the cross for the sins of those who believe in Him but also had the power to heal. He told me to pray for the Lord Jesus Christ’s protection every day. Not knowing how to pray, my friend suggested that I start with reciting the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:9–13) and praying for God’s mercy and healing. I began to pray as he said, and my wife and I started going to Sunday service at a nearby church.

Then, in the spring of 2021, I suddenly went into a coma. My children called 911 and sent me to the hospital for emergency care. After I came to, I refused to be hospitalized, as the medical fees without insurance were staggeringly high. My children were very anxious as well and made many calls, hoping to resolve my medical fees in the States. After I was discharged, every night I would go out in the yard and pray with urgency to God for His help. Eventually, with assistance from the oncologist at a local health center, I was granted cancer relief insurance. Even though I was not yet a true believer, God listened to the prayers of a sinner like me and showed me mercy.

Spirituality Grows in Suffering

After a yearlong battle with my sickness, I was completely exhausted. I went through a partial resection of the prostate, 12 radiotherapies, six radiation therapies, four pulmonary edema fluid drainings, and eight chemotherapies. The prolonged treatment weakened my immune system, and the side effects drained my energy. Even though I was reading the Bible, going to church, and trying to pray, my faith was weak, and I lost hope of getting well. At that time, God sent Sister Jinping from the Home of Christ 5 to introduce me to a group at church, where I learned more about the gospel. With the help of my brothers and sisters in Christ, I finally repented from my unbelief and accepted Jesus Christ as the Lord of my life. I was baptized by Elder Zhao Wuyi on October 29, 2022.

Our church is like one big family with brothers and sisters praying for and helping each other. They help me attend my treatment sessions, send food to our home, and take turns giving me a ride to church. I diligently attend Sunday services, Bible study sessions, and discipleship training. As my spirituality grows, I am no longer afraid of cancer. I simply surrender myself to God and pray devoutly every day.

My battle with illness continues. Yet I do not give in to the excruciating pain in my bones nor to the side effects of chemotherapy. No matter when my physical body will fail, I am living today by faith in God. “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal” (2 Corinthians 4:16–18). The eternal life that God has promised all who believe in Him is the best hope in this life and the next. For now, my spirit continues on its voyage!

My hope is built on nothing less Than Jesus’ blood and righteousness; I dare not trust the sweetest frame, But wholly lean on Jesus’ name. (Edward Mote, 1832)

*This story was first published in Chinese Today, Issue No. 744 (April 2024) and was translated into English by Kiara Ngai.