Although our family had a Bible—a big book with a fancy cover—no one ever touched it. We were a worldly, feminine-ruled household, with Catholic mass sprinkled in at Christmas and Easter. These dates on the calendar were more about holiday food, setting the table with the best china and pewter, decorating the house, dressing in pretty clothes, gathering the family, gifts, football, and alcohol. Lots of it!

Sunday mornings at our house was not scurrying to attend mass on time, but rather a car ride to Dunkin’ Donuts, selecting 12 different kinds, and with mouths watering, tearing into several upon arriving home. Then it was time to read the “funnies” from “The Milwaukee Journal Sunday Edition” and look for ads for things to buy. The topics of Jesus as Savior or our need for salvation from God’s wrath never entered into our family discussions. We didn’t talk about the God of the Bible.

As a child I became a child waitress, even receiving tips when I delivered drinks to my aunts, uncles, and grandparents. My dad was the mixologist, and my mom did the shopping to keep the bar fully stocked. By age eight, I was helping myself to the maraschino cherries and orange slices that were soaked in Manhattans, or olives from the Gimlets. Before I was 21, I was joining in real alcohol consumption and, with a fake ID, was buying my own even earlier.

When I was younger, I felt lost in every way. I remember wondering: What is this world I live in? Who am I, really? Who are the people around me? What’s the point of living when money and jobs don’t bring contentment? Why does it all seem like trickery and a maze? Life can’t be just about watching soap operas. Eventually, I followed the path of “eat, drink, and (pretend to) be merry” (Ecclesiastes 8:15, NKJV). If only I had more money, or a different home, or a different body, or, or, or….

The questions I had could have been answered by God’s Word, the Holy Scripture. But my parents didn’t know things concerning the God of the Bible themselves, even though my mother had gone to a Catholic school and my dad had joined my mother’s faith when they got married. They agreed to rear my brother and me in the Roman Catholic tradition. Because they didn’t have a true relationship with God, they couldn’t show me where God spoke on all topics of life or model what godliness was, or what the pursuit of holiness was in Christ.

Thus, sin got worse and worse in my life, and it was never confessed. Morally, ethically, and spiritually, I fell into the deep dark abyss of a living hell. I was “without Christ… having no hope and without God in the world” (Ephesians 2:12, NKJV).

My life as an adult was characterized by lying, stealing, drinking to excess, and consuming amphetamines and other illegal drugs disguised as diet pills. I married and divorced twice and married and was widowed once, but not in Christ. I also had boyfriends whom I sometimes lived with. Through the years, I eked out a living in the hospitality, real estate, and retail business, piling up debt with no awareness of how it would be paid.

After the death of my second husband at the age of 36, I became involved with the New Age Movement, seeking help from horoscopes, philosophers, and wellness and diet teachers. I studied Buddhism, Hinduism, Native American occult, and Earth worship. Believing they had certain powers, I wore gemstone necklaces and collected feathers as good luck charms. I ate organically, drank teas, took vitamins, exercised, practiced breathing therapy, engaged in the power of positive thinking, and listened to and followed Jewish spiritists. My last attempt at finding relief was in non-dualism, which teaches that you are nothing and you go to nothing. There are no consequences and there is no meaning to life on this earth.

Then, as I neared 50 years of age, everything changed! The eyes of my understanding were finally enlightened (Ephesians 1:18, NKJV)!

I learned wonderful truths from the Bible that helped me know God and gave meaning to my life now and the assurance of life everlasting. New words entered my vocabulary: propitiation, atonement, justification, reconciliation, sanctification. And I understood that these benefits came from Christ alone through His death on the cross as a substitute for me. Jesus said, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me” (John 14:6, NKJV). In faith, I entered through this narrow gate. My life now had a different quality—I was singing hymns, confessing and turning from sin, pursuing holiness in the Body of Christ (the church), and praising God that I was purified by the blood of Jesus, through the Word of God by the Spirit of God.

How did this enormous change come about? The GOOD NEWS came by way of a neighbor who was a growing Christian and by way of a New King James Study Bible. The neighbor pointed me to the scriptures and to a 60-lesson DVD series on systematic reformed theology by R. C. Sproul from Ligonier Ministries. I found sermons on YouTube by fathers of the faith like Charles Spurgeon and contemporary reformed preachers like John MacArthur, and I listened feverishly. I also began attending two different Conservative Presbyterian churches in the Pompano Beach, Florida, area where I heard the Word of God preached faithfully. I came under conviction, and my neighbor had the courage and God-given discernment to know that I was dead in sin. He explained to me that Jesus did the work, and faith was a gift of God from God—unmerited and undeserved. That’s what makes it a gift! Figuring it all out was the job of God’s Holy Spirit, who would indwell the new believer and give new affections, direction, and guidance to all who believe in Christ Jesus, the Son. I had heard of the Trinity before, but no one had ever explained it this way. The big fancy-covered book that no one touched in the home I grew up in was the very book I had needed all along! It contained God’s words, God’s standards, the Ultimate Truth, and the compass for here and for eternity.

Early in 2021, I found myself alone in a studio apartment completely wooed, drawn, or dragged, to the feet of Jesus. I fell to my knees and on my face, crying over the complete debauchery of my life on every level, and spoke to Jesus. I asked for His forgiveness, I asked to follow Him, and I asked to be His. I submitted entirely to the narrow road and got off the wide path that leads to destruction. I knew this was a life and death situation and that access to Yahweh was not through my own efforts but by way of Jesus the Son through God’s Holy Spirit. Any other way was a lie and a fool’s errand.

After becoming a Christian, I realized that I had been in rebellion against God all my life. My lostness was not the result of my upbringing or my parents’ lack of direction. I was sinful from birth: “In sin my mother conceived me” (Psalms 51:5, NKJV). I sinned because I am a sinner. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23, NKJV).

The weird sorcery I once practiced—“according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience” (Ephesians 2:2, NKJV)—was idolatry! I dropped it all at Jesus’ feet, and God gave me the Truth and “made (me) alive together with Christ” (Ephesians 2:5, NKJV).

Since my salvation, the Holy Spirit has given me many opportunities to talk to my mom and dad about spiritual things for the first time. It’s been rocky—at one point being accused of joining a cult. It hasn’t been easy for them to lose their drinking buddy daughter to the cleansing power of the blood of Jesus Christ or for their fragile faith to be questioned.

For almost three years I have been a disciple of Christ, a learner at His feet. As I write this, words are “beyond beyond” to explain how my life has been impacted. I never went to AA or got officially labeled as an alcoholic, or any other label by a medical doctor or psychologist. It became completely obvious as I started to read Scripture that I was called to live soberly. Some of my first prayers to Lord Jesus were to be delivered from alcohol, and I was. I have prayed to be delivered from despair, anxiety, depression, fear, and suicidal ideation, and I have been. Jesus promised to never leave me nor forsake me, and He hasn’t. He promised to meet me in the storm, and He has. He said He would be the strength in my weakness, and He is. He said He loved me and will love me to the end, and I know He will. To God be all glory to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!

Today, I live day by day, and hour by hour, confessing my sin and recognizing and turning away from temptations. I am on the narrow road, reading and studying His ways—not my ways or the world’s ways. I am begging to be used by God for His will and purposes as He fashions me for eternity.

“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast” (Ephesians 2:8-9, NKJV).

Kelly McCormack resides in Saint Augustine, Florida, where she worships with fellow believers at a Bible-believing church. A new creation in Christ, Kelly rejoices in her new identity as a child of the King. Through prayer, study of the Bible, and hymn singing, she renews her mind daily. Kelly’s greatest desire is to live out her new identity in Christ so that others will be drawn to Him.