Throughout my life, I had wondered what the purpose of life was. Was it to pursue happiness? To have children for the sake of posterity? Though I sought an answer to this question, I could not find it.

In the spring of 2002, I got my Ph.D. from the Chinese Academy of Sciences. At that time, I had a big dream. I wanted to become a professor with my own lab, doing research in the field of neuroscience. I wanted to explore the mechanisms underlying learning and memory, consciousness and free will, and ultimately to understand the mystery and beauty of the human brain. I hoped to secure my future career by publishing papers in top journals. In the summer of 2002, I flew to the United States to do postdoctoral research in order to fulfill this dream.

Scientific research has its moments of excitement, and even drama, but much of it is just work, repeated again and again, interrupted by periods of frustration, delay, and anxiety. I put almost all my time and energy into my research, working until midnight and through the weekends, saying no to invitations from friends. Then one day I realized that my ongoing research had turned away from my original purpose—to understand the mystery of the human brain. It seemed now that my goal had become merely to publish a good paper, to find a nice job, and

to live a comfortable life. Under the tremendous pressure and competition of research, I found my motivation had gradually faded, and my mind and body were exhausted.

Again the question of purpose of life returned to my mind. According to the hypothesis of evolution, the existence of life is all accidental. The purpose of living is merely to have offspring, to multiply, and to preserve the environment. According to the dominant theory of physics, the whole universe started from an accidental big bang out of nowhere, and sadly enough, may finally result in complete darkness and chaos. Neither evolution nor physics answered my questions about the true meaning of life. Thinking about these theories—that everything is doomed to be terminated someday— made me realize that what I was doing every day was simply proving such a gloomy scenario. I thought it was not a way to lead a positive, healthy life, and definitely not what I wished to do.

At this point, I started thinking about Christianity, and in the fall of 2003, I began attending Talk Time at Berkeley Covenant Church. There I met Allison, Melissa, Joshua, Amanda, and David— some amazing Christians. They werealways smiling, and they seemed to have peace in their heart and a genuine love in their lives. Their lives were so different from mine.

I called my mother to talk about my struggles, and she told me that, though she had not brought me up as a Christian, she believed in God. She had been born into a Christian family in southern China, and her mother had told her when she was a child to “believe in God, and you will get through all the difficulties.” I remembered my grandparents, who were warm-hearted and patient, and being in their home where all the family prayed together around the holiday dinner. And I remembered going to small, old churches and singing hymns in a southern Chinese dialect. So many warm, beautiful memories began to emerge in my heart. And I began to have a different dream, one bigger than my original dream—one that included God.

My research became tougher and tougher, and I began to ask God for help. I began to pray for my husband and my parents. I gave thanks to God for the home group I attended which nourished my soul, and for the pastor who answered some tough questions that troubled me. I found an amazing world in the Scriptures. I learned that God never leaves me; He is always with me. Gradually, I was becoming a different person, no longer a woman who always thought only of herself.

Now I know the purpose of my life, the purpose of all human beings. The end will not be dark, empty, and nothing. There will be a new Heaven, a new earth, and we will enjoy eternal life together with God. This future is bright and wonderful!

The purpose of my living now, no matter what my job, is to glorify God, to fight evil, and to be a godly person, using the strength and talent God gives to help the spiritually poor people everywhere, especially in my own country, the country I love so much.

Throughout our world are many people like I was—weary and scattered, like sheep without a shepherd. But God has unconditional love for us, and He asks nothing in return but our love. He will guide us in the right direction. I am no longer the person who complains and worries about everything. I have put my trust in God and placed everything in His hands. Now I feel peace and contentment. God is my only comfort, my complete security, my fuel for living.

God graciously saved me from worshiping the false idol of personal success. For what good would it have done me to gain the whole world, yet forfeit my soul? Or what could I give in exchange for my soul? (a paraphrase of Matthew 16:26) The answer is nothing. But by knowing God, I have gained an abundant life.

(Lu Pu is a researcher at the University of California. She and her husband, Jiewen Zhu, are members of Berkeley Covenant Church, Berkeley, CA.)