The beautiful sound of the violin was hushed—broken into pieces. I smashed it on the wall of the downtown studio of my famed, descendent-of- Handel, violin teacher.

Mental Illness

An ill-fated family history doomed me for mental illness. My psychotic breakdown occurred shortly after my graduation. I was a foreign student from China, studying in America, aspiring to become a clinical psychologist. My parents, siblings, and in-laws were with me, having come to attend the joyous occasion of my graduation. We were planning to vacation in California afterward. But it was not to be.

However, three months before my mental breakdown, something wonderful had happened to me. I experienced the saving grace of Jesus Christ. These three months were the sweetest times I had ever spent in my life. I read the Bible in its entirety, including the New Testament and the book of Psalms. The Word of God gave me a firm foundation for enduring the severe mental illness that was to haunt me for three decades.

Mental illness is characterized by outbreaks of insomnia, depression, euphoria, delusion, hallucination, and extreme paranoia, as well as fear and distance from mainstream societal participation. At different periods of my life, I experienced the haunting effects of all these characteristics. But contrary to a typical mental patient, I hung on to God with all my strength, and He hung on to me! I also had the special favor of a most supportive wife and an exceptionally intelligent son, both of whom were—and are—very caring.

The Right Perspective

In spite of my disability, I have never had a problem getting jobs. My earning power most of my life has seldom been lower than any other professional. Of course, in my early years, I worked in dozens of menial jobs—sometimes with nothing in my pocket but the $200 initially given me by my mother. When I left home to study in America, I had no subsequent financial aid from my family. I was a mentally disabled person, alone in a foreign country, isolated from any family member or friend I could turn to. What a special favor from our Heavenly Father that He preserved a wretched beggar as I was at that time and eventually got me out of darkness and hopelessness to an elevated position—both financially and spiritually. God does work miracles!

As a dedicated Christian, I believe the causes of mental illness and its treatment can be viewed from the angle of two spiritual perspectives.

First, we must acknowledge that the afflicted patient has no choice in the situation, and it is never his fault. Thus, the hereditary and congenital abnormalities of such an illness must be dealt with by health professionals, and the patient who is accurately diagnosed is expected to take proper medication all his life. It is important that a patient cooperate with the doctors and nurses in treatment and therapy, and work as a team together with his supportive family members. Such are the steps I have taken to ease my illness. By God’s grace, for the last 19 years, I have not needed professional help. I take only a daily pill which helps me sleep and corrects my brain imbalance.

The story of Job in the Old Testament answers the “why me” question—a question I raised many times. Time and again, I angrily asked God why I had to suffer so much when I had trusted Him as my personal Lord and Savior. It turned out the same with me as it did with Job. Through all the trials, God had been with me without my being aware of it. Years later, Job and I were relieved of our hellish situations, to be blessed multiple times more than before. Yes, God may be silent when we are in distress, but He is never absent from our situations.

Second, many people believe mental illness is a result of sinful thoughts and behaviors. A lack of discipline can certainly lead to sinful thoughts and wrong behaviors. I was a victim of distorted parental training which neglected to teach me proper manners and normal social interactions as I was growing up. I constantly demanded to be cared for, and Satan took advantage of my sinful, selfish nature. I yearned for immediate gratification of lustful desires, used explosive anger and temper outbursts to get what I wanted, and cherished hate toward others—wishing them harm if I could not get what I wanted.

Such is the condition of many mentally ill persons. Prayer and reflection on God and His promises can help the mentally ill so that they do not demonstrate outrageous acts of criminal behavior and become a menace to society.

Restored and Sustained

Whether mental illness is caused by congenital factors or by faulty upbringing by indulgent parents, one thing is for sure: The person with mental illness is made in the image of God. A newborn baby, formed in his mother’s womb, made in the image of God with utter beauty, can be compared with the thrilling melodies that come out of a clean Stradivarius violin. I have pursued the amazing instrument of the violin for many years, and it has cheered me up in the darkest of days. It releases my libido, which seems to be marred with dirt and garbage. Like a violin, when we are broken, we can be restored by the renewal of our mind, body, and spirit through the working of the Creator of heaven and earth. When we place our lives fully in God’s hands, we become God’s workmanship, and we are made beautiful again.

A broken violin that is restored has a far-reaching positive influence on the musician’s family, friends, neighbors—and even the community. It symbolizes that the protection of God is more real than the destruction of Satan with his cunning schemes. As for my family, my wife survived several major surgeries, detrimental fainting attacks, and several near-death accidents, but she is now completely recovered and restored. My son—always a top student from kindergarten through finishing medical school at Albert Einstein College of Medicine—completed his internship, residency, and fellowship in top-notch hospitals in the U.S., and he is now a competent, practicing ophthalmologist in New Jersey and New York. Thank God for His neverfailing mercy!

When asked what I treasure most—having survived the ordeal of mental illness and how I have come out on top—my answer involves several activities I have practiced. One is keeping before me a personal vision given me by the Lord—a vision not of the empty vanity of my own thinking, but a vision for the good for me, my family, my friends, and society.

Another activity I have practiced is going to church every Sunday. Even with an affliction that is unbearable, the Lord has given relief and comfort through the words of wisdom of pastors and the genuine concern and loving care of other believers who have the same Holy Spirit in them. Finding a place of ministry at church has helped me feel fully satisfied.

An unceasing life of prayer has also been indispensable to me. No matter how I feel, I can always pray to God about my health, my job, my family, my friends, my neighbors, and the people and leaders of our country. I know God will answer such prayers in His time.

Lastly, I insist on reading the Bible—as well as good devotional books—every day. The words of the Bible and the devotional materials help me root my faith and keep it relevant to everyday living. Many times, I have found that what I read daily directly relates to activities surrounding me.

Two precious Bible verses have helped me keep my mind focused on the power of God and not on myself:

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful. He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. (I Corinthians 10:13).

For the accuser (Satan) of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night, has been hurled down. They triumphed over him (Satan) by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony. (Revelation 12:10 & 11).

(After complete recovery from mental illness, the writer serves diligently with joy in his church in choral singing and violin instruction ministries.)