Several years ago, I was privileged to be in the home of two sisters. They both could only work part time because they had to take care of their invalid mother. At the time of my visit, they had already been doing it for several years.

Their mother was not only bedridden; she had to be fed around the clock at intervals of two-to-three hours.

They took care of the basic needs of their mother with such love and patience. They spoke to her slowly but cheerfully. They smiled. Their commitment to their mother was rooted in their spiritual devotion to their Lord. I was humbled in their presence.

We live in a culture which emphasizes more the beauty of youth than the wisdom of the aged. We direct more attention to children than to their parents. For every ten books that teach you how to bring up your children, can you name one that shows you how to honor your parents?

In this article, we will take a brief look at the Biblical teaching on honoring your parents and then suggest some concrete ways you can do it.

Biblical teaching on honoring your parents

In the Ten Commandments, the first one that deals with human relationships is “honor your father and your mother.” (Exo. 20:12) Eight of the Ten Commandments begin with “You shall not.” Only two are stated in the positive way. Of these two, one has to do with honoring one’s parents.

The Bible shows us how we can honor our parents. Positively, we may honor our parents by listening to their teachings (Prov. 1:8, 4:1, 6:20, 13:1). More, we should obey them in the Lord (Eph. 6:1). Another way we can honor and please our parents is by obeying God’s Word (Prov. 10:1a, 23:24, 29:3a).

Negatively the Bible shows us what not to do to our parents. We are not to:

• be disobedient to them (Rom 1:30)
• physically harm them (Exo. 21:15)
• curse them (Lev. 20:9)
• dishonor them (Deut. 27:16)
• despise them (Prov. 15:20b)
• rob them (Prov. 19:26)
• drive them out (Prov. 19:26)
• mock them (Prov. 30:17)
• spurn their discipline (Prov. 15:5)

The Bible also provides us with positive examples to illustrate how the principle of honoring one’s parents is being carried out in real life. Esther heeded the advice of her adopted father, Mordecai, Ruth was devoted to her mother-in-law, Naomi, and Isaac trusted his father, Abraham, by placing his life in his hands.

Needless to say, the relationship of our Lord Jesus Christ to his Father is a beautiful relationship for all of us to emulate: the unity they share, the love they have for each other, the communion they enjoy together and the obedience of the Son to his Father to the point of death.

It is not to say an adult child must always be obedient to his parents who may sometimes go against the will of God, but he must always weigh the advice, needs, wishes and preferences of his parents carefully.

Practical way to honor your parents

In the course of writing this article, I thought the best way to find out some of the practical ways adult children can honor their parents is to ask the parents themselves. In addition to the many interactions I have had with parents in the past, I interviewed several mothers and father in their fifties, sixties and seventies to ask them specifically what their children, sons-in-law and daughters-in-law have done to honor them.

There are basically two ways we can honor our parents and in-laws. One area comprises the things we can do for ourselves and the second area centers on things we can do for them.

*Things related to us (ourselves)

Immigrant parents like to see their children have good jobs and being successful in their business. They rejoice to see their children financially able to take care of themselves and their families. They also like to see their children get along with one another.

One mother spoke with obvious pride when she introduced one of her daughters as having a Ph.D. and married to one who also has a Ph.D. Another mother said all her children have their own houses.

Christian parents obviously are comforted if their children are also Christians. One mother commented with obvious joy and comfort: “My two children are very active in church.”

They like to see their children healthy and having healthy grandchildren. One mother spoke with obvious concern when she disclosed one of her children as having a chronic ailment since childhood.

One concrete way to honor our parents is to meet their expectations of us as much as we possibly can. We honor them by what we make of ourselves. Our success will reflect their success and our contribution to society and church will add pride to their lives.

When we cannot meet our parents’ expectations, it may be helpful to demonstrate to them that we are happy and content in the lifestyles we have chosen for ourselves. We may not be able to meet their concrete expectations of wealth of health but we can try very hard to relieve them of their worries for us.

*Things related to our parents

1. Spend time with them. Parents love to have their children visit them or call them. One mother said, “My daughter calls me very Saturday.” Another said, “My son and his wife usually take me out for lunch or dinner during the weekends.” One mother appreciated her daughter for taking the time to read the Psalms to her.

2. Remember them on special occasions. Besides calling them on the phone, writing them and visiting them whenever possible, children should remember their parents on special occasions.

   Several months ago, the children of one of CCM’s Board members planned a surprise silver wedding anniversary for their parents. The children contact many of their parents’ friends and asked them to send recorded messages on cassettes on certain aspects of their parents’ lives.

   Some children bring or send gifts to their parents on their birthdays or during Christmas and New Year.

   It is good to know that restaurants are usually very busy on Mother’s Day and Christmas remains the busiest season for traveling.

3. Verbalize your love and appreciation. Many parents have not heard one single word of love or appreciation from their children. Among immigrant families, it is unusual to express appreciation verbally. Everything is taken for granted. Think of the joy one mother experienced when her daughter said to her, “I love you and I thank you for raising me.”

4. Bring them gifts. Everybody likes to receive gifts and parents are no exception. One mother said all her shoes and clothing are bought and paid for by her daughter. Another mother said that her son-in-law insists on paying the bills when they go out shopping together.

   Whether they need it or not, parents appreciate receiving money from their children both on a monthly basis as well as on special occasions. To be sure, the thing they appreciate most is not the money but the fact their children remember them. When parents do not need the money, they usually save it and then give it back to their children by means of a down payment for their child’s house or gifts to their grandchildren.

5. Call your in-laws “Mom” and “Dad.” How you address a person is very important in the Chinese culture. If your in-laws prefer you to address them in a certain way, you may want to comply with their wishes out of respect to them. One mother confided one of the things she liked about her son-in-law is that he calls her “Mom.”

6. Take care of their needs. Many immigrant parents do not know English and have no adequate means of transportation. They have to be dependent on their children for their many needs. One way to honor our parents is to take care of their needs. Find out from your parents and in-laws how you can be of help to them. They may have forms to fill out, letters to write, phone calls to make, relatives to visit, groceries to purchase, medical appointments to keep and bills to pay.

   One parent was comforted and relieved when her daughter assured her, “I will take care of you.” Another father was appreciative when his son-in-law helped him find a job.

Conclusion

I am not questioning the sovereignty of God for my life, but if I am allowed to have one regret it is the early home going of my mother in 1970. She was devoted to her children. She loved us and was willing to give of her best to us. But I was not given an opportunity to honor her in my adult life, except for one month in 1969 when my wife and I went back to Hong Kong to see her. I cannot honor her by showing her her two grandsons. I cannot honor her by showing her the Yellowstone Park or touring the Great Wall. I cannot honor her by taking her to the restaurant beside the Niagara Falls like my brothers and sister and I did with our father.

If your parents or in-laws are still alive, I wish to God you would find some ways to honor them. Start with a prayer for them. Then a note or a call. Maybe a visit. See where God would take you from there.

“Honor your father and your mother.”