In 1970, five years before Vietnam fell to the Communist regime of the North, the U.S. presence was still very evident in Vietnam. With U.S. troops patrolling during the daytime, it was easy to have a sense of security. Then one day as I was walking in my village, out of nowhere, a Vietnamese female soldier hurled a grenade at a troop of American military—and I was standing nearby. When the grenade exploded, it severely injured my left hand and leg, and my left lung.

Even though my limbs recovered without amputation, my left side was weaker than my right. I questioned why God had let this happen to me and why I couldn’t live a normal life like others. But God gave me no answer.

Fast forward 16 years after this incident. My family was anticipating immigrating to the U.S. While we were awaiting final approval to leave, one midnight a group of Vietnamese military police came to my house and captured me. Despite my protests and showing them our immigration documents that stated we could leave Vietnam upon INS approval, they took me away under gunpoint, all the time jeering at me: “We’ll bring you back when you get your air ticket.” The following three years I was forced to work in a labor camp in a hilly region of Vietnam.

Life in the camp was very harsh. My body began to weaken, and mental pressure began to mount. Under stress, I spent about ten hours a day cutting grass in the hills, in rainstorms and blistering sun. And after finishing my assigned tasks, I spent the rest of the time complaining to God. I had a million questions for God. Why did I have to suffer such a fate? I blamed God and doubted His faithfulness and love. Although I knew at heart that I should fervently pray, yet physical pain, mental stress, seething frustration, as well as missing my family deprived me of a peaceful heart. Satan also brought on a sense of guilt, reminding me of every mistake I had ever made and vividly displaying them before my eyes. (Satan is the accuser of believers, Revelation 12:10.)

But the Holy Spirit was working in my heart as well. I recalled that when I was young, I had committed myself and my whole life to serving God. But I bargained with God, saying I would do anything according to His will except for becoming a minister—for which I deemed myself unqualified. I had observed that many ministers lived in hardship—under constant persecution, being put in prison and in labor camps for no reason except that they named themselves followers of God. Observing these sufferings shook up my fragile confidence and intimidated my infant soul. Therefore, I prayed, “I’m willing to be a living sacrifice, yet please don’t call me to be your servant!”

Now, in the workcamp, the Holy Spirit moved my spirit again, urging me to completely surrender to God. But once again, I stubbornly resisted, turning a deaf ear to His wooing. Under steadily increasing stress from work, my health began to deteriorate further, and soon I contracted dysentery so that my intestines seemed to be coming out. I thought my days were numbered, and I would soon see God face to face. But I also realized that I might not die, because there was still much work to be done for the Kingdom of God. God might still have a purpose for me. However, my stubbornness strapped me deeper in my plight of resisting God’s call, and my disgruntlement further hardened my heart.

But praise God, when I was at the end of my rope, He turned me back. His love in the end overcame me, and I surrendered completely to God’s calling. To be thoroughly convinced of His calling, I prayed for a sign that I would be able to go home. It would not happen because of money or power, but because of His mighty and wondrous hand. In the camp all practice of Christian worship was forbidden, and severe punishments could be imposed if caught, but I prayed and totally committed myself to Him. This prayer brought me peace, and I believed firmly that God would lead me home. My heart was full of thanksgiving and anticipation of His wondrous work.

Soon after my full surrender and prayer to go home, I was called into the commanding office of the camp and given a pass home. The pass listed “poor health” as the reason for my dismissal. With the pass in hand, I jumped for joy and praised God for His miraculous answer to my prayer. I felt I understood the mystery that had lingered in my heart for so many years: the injury to the left side of my body was the reason that brought me home. All things happen according to God’s wonderful plans. God opened my eyes to see that the injury I experienced as a young person was a blessing in disguise. Often, we only see God’s providential plan for our lives as we look back.

I truly know that God is mightily leading my path. Now, besides giving thanks to God for His daily provision and rescuing me from sufferings, I commit my life unreservedly to Him. I trust Him wholeheartedly, for I am like clay under the hand of the all-mighty Potter. Without a doubt, I know that only through obedience can we receive God’s blessings.

Today, through God’s grace and mercy, I work in full-time ministry. Although my full-time ministry work has just begun, every day I experience God’s abundant grace and wonderful guidance. Because He holds my tomorrow—and His way is higher than my way and His will higher than my will—I know that behind every suffering lies a blessing in disguise.

Tan Tri Tieu is the senior pastor at Chinese Grace Church of San Francisco, California.